Tuesday Beat: Lucy Pearl - Dance Tonight

One of my fave old school jams. Wonder where Saadiq is.

Giving myself permission

These past few months have been an eye opener of sorts and I've come to realize that I've been holding myself back. Both in the sense that I'm my own stumbling block as well as in the sense that I don't allow myself to do or experience things fully.

A year or so ago I decided that I would work towards living my life with no regrets. Not that I would do everything that I wanted, but that I would do what I felt was right for me when it felt right for me.

This summer I took a job that had nothing to do with my IT background, but gave me a chance to live life a little differently. I got to work and play hard while enjoying time with family. There was no pressure. I loved my job and the team that I worked with.

I loved spending time at the beach, out on the lake, parasailing and goofing around for no other reason other than that I could. It was exhilarating. It was like finding that part of me that I'd buried while trying to grow up and act like an adult. I still have a good bit of immaturity left in me and you know what, I am going to indulge that side of myself more often.

Spending time with my niece reminded me of what it felt like to live in the moment. We got into all sorts of things that we had no business doing. We walked around the stores playing with everything, we would play in rain puddles, chase each other around jumping on shadows, ... whatever struck our fancy really. What I came to realize is that in those moments, I was giving myself permission to be unconditionally happy.

I want to be happy but a part of me has a hard time getting on board with that because I feel that happiness has to be earned. Why earned, because that pretty much is what we are told in not soo many words ... don't believe me, watch the ads on tv. You can't skip to dessert you are always told. See I want to have dessert while enjoying my meal, not at the beginning and not at the end as the reward.

So I have given myself permission to be me, to dance in the rain when I feel like it, to hike my pants up and go splashing in puddle, to make snow angels, ... to do that which makes me happy not because I've earned it, but because it is what my spirit needs.

Would you or wouldn't you

An acquaintance of mine has been participating in some extra curricular activities with someone she shouldn't be. At this point it's an open secret-- facebook don't lie [Miss Cleo voice]-- but her girl doesn't know or chooses to ignore, I'm not sure which. Now a few nights ago I got a text asking me if I could say we had hung out on such n such a day if her girl asked to which I replied I couldn't. I said I couldn't not because my personal ethical code wouldn't let me, but because I was simply out of state which was something that could be verified easily --again facebook don't lie--.
So my question is thus, would you or would you not lie if such a matter were presented to you? Tweet back or comment or smoke signal... whatever works for ya.

Tuesday Beat: Double play Shalamar and Earth Wind & Fire

Do you remember the 21st night of September...
Earth Wind and Fire - September


 Shalamar - Night to Remember
 

Libraries and Lasses

So I was at the library minding my own business ... as all god stories start ... As I've been away from the Chi for the last couple of months, I've had to join a new library in order to keep up with my reading. Last week I stopped by to pick up my books and decided to peruse the new books shelf to see if there was anything that I was interested in reading.

As I was reaching for something on the top shelf I heard "I'd never have pegged you as the pink wearing type. I looked over and it was one of the lasses that I've gotten to know. Now it took me a second to figure out what she was talking about after which I replied "Laundry day".

Now you know I couldn't let it pass so I asked her what she had me down as - I should have known better I know-. Wee bonny lass went on to give me a damn thesis on the most common color of my undergarments including the cut... see what had happened was I usually skip belting my jeans so if I reach up you'll catch a glimpse of the color. You'd have to be super observant to nail the cut though.

Anyway surfice it to say I was 1- slightly mortified 2- mildly curious as to why she'd take the time to figure all this out. So being the gentle lass that I am I introduced myself properly and asked her how long it had taken to figure this out. Turns out she's been throwing an eye in my direction since the beginning of summer ... I thought she was just being friendly since she gave no indications of being queer when I tried to sneak stuff into the conversations. Anyway the lass alas can move no further than acquaintance as I'm leaving the area soon.

Which brings me to the title of the post ... what is it with me and meeting women in the library? She is the second person I've met out here at the library - the first one happened to work in the same company as I did and I don't like my personal life to overlap with my work life.

Goapele - Play