Why I am out

Aaah the last post of the year. These tend to be epic year end reviews but we'll deviate ever so slightly. I was recently asked why I was out. Now to say I was rendered speechless by the question would be the understatement of the year. I was truly thrown for a loop. While the question did not come out of left field it certainly was in the vicinity of left of center. I contemplated not answering it because I think that's a highly personal question for one and I'd also known that person for all of 2 hours [damn Megabus]. I thought about it further and decided to answer the question, not because I was under any obligation to answer it, but because it occurred to me that I'd never articulated [out loud anyway] why I made the decision to be out. So below you'll find my reasons...

Now before we hop into the reasons I'll go ahead and give you my definition of being out: it's when you publicly acknowledge your sexual orientation / gender identity. Now the word public is dependent on the individual. The acknowledgement could be verbal, through clothing, causes that you support etc.

I am out because it's important for the folks around me to know that queer people exist and are people that they know personally... think of it as putting a face to that queer thing that you keep hearing about. As odd as it may sound in this day and age, I have met quite a few people who think that they have never met / personally know a gay person. It is not my place to out people so I usually nod while at the back of my mind I'm thinking ummm your office manager has a wife and 2 kids, they are not just friends. I might check some of the stereotype boxes for queers but I also provide a different face in that I am queer and an immigrant. [ current running joke among some of my friends is that I check so many minority boxes that it would be in an organization's best interest to put me on the board to show diversity]

I'm out because I want to have genuine relationships with those around me. I spent many years trying to blend and had personas to suit each crowd that I hung with. After a while I realized that I was not reaping the full benefits of the relationships around me and decided to not leave parts of myself at home. My African, scholarly, queer and dorky selves were all coming with me and if someone didn't like it, tough.

I am out because it is important to be my authentic self [shoutout to Mama O]. I am comfortable with myself in masculine clothing which tends to be the queer giveaway once folks figure out that I'm not a guy. If I am blessed with kids, I want them to understand that who they are on the inside should match who they are on the outside. If you are in tune with yourself, it's slightly easier to navigate life. There is no faking it. Yes I take it harder when I'm rejected for being myself, but I also have fewer regrets in that I know that they might have accepted my "representative" but rejected me when they finally met the real me. I'd rather know before I am too heavily invested in a situation.

My seatmate and I had a lively discussion on being queer etc for the remainder of our journey and I'd like to think that I gave her something to think about in the same way that she did me.

Have a great New Year folks. May good health and good fortune be with you throughout the year.
Sláinte agus saol agat* - Health (good implied) and life (long implied) to you
Go mbeirimíd beo ar an am seo arís - May we be alive at this same time again
Libe lom' nyakomutsha omuhle lempil' ende - May you have a good new year and a long life