Tuesday Beat: Monica / Keyshia Cole / Musiq Soulchild

3 songs 1 beat

Monica - Breaks My Heart


Keyshia Cole - Fallin Out


Musiq Soulchild - If U Leave ft Mary J. Blige [my fave]

Reflecting on the past 10 years: 2000 - 2010

The first five years can be summarised as studied, studied, worked and studied some more. The second five can be summarised as worked, worked, studied, worked, played.

I got my first degree in '04 and I must say I am proud of myself for finishing that more than anything else in my life. It was a journey with lots of ups and downs with me not even knowing if I would return the next semester. The Lord came through each and every time. I worked 3 jobs at one point because I was not going out without putting my all into it. For my second degree I had a full ride so it was more about putting out quality work. I also was put in charge of a program on campus and that kept me occupied. Both my parents flew in for my second graduation because I was the first person on my father's side [second on my mother's side] of the family to get a Masters. I got a third degree recently and that one was my because I can degree. I hope to get started on degree 4 which will be a PhD at some point in the near future.

I managed to inherit my sister during my junior year of college and I had to learn parenting 101 pronto. My OH family helped out a lot because I knew next to nothing about raising teenagers. My sister probably had more freedoms than most teens in her school because I really did not enforce anything other than do your school work. I would write her notes to get her out of school ... I made one hell of a parent. She also got to participate in college activities from the time she was 15 because it was the only way we could do lots of stuff together. She went on trips with the univ international students and would attend dinners and presentations with me. I recall taking her to a dance on campus the night before her ACTs. Not wise, but she wanted to go. After she got her license I never saw my car keys again.

I also lost my grandparents during that time period and it was hard not being able to say good bye. I had been close to them even after I moved here so it just pushed home the fact that life was short. People got married, had kids and asked when I was going to settle down. I still have to hold back a snort when they ask. One day I will answer I am already married and my wife's name is X. I can already hear the crickets chirping after that statement.

I have a beautiful niece that is the apple of my eye. She has given me more of a reason to get my stuff together than anyone else. She smiles and everything is alright with the world. She is my heart and I love her unconditionally.

Somewhere in between there I kissed and shagged a woman and even dated a nice guy [nothing physical on that front]. He was my last stop in heteroville. I recall a friend asking me why I'd stopped drinking and I remember telling her I wanted to be in control of myself. Apparently that raised a few rainbow flags for her. I did come out eventually and I told my sis and a few friends. The reactions varied but the bottom line is they were eventually ok with it. It wasn't until I was 24 that I stopped actively hiding the queer part of myself. God and I have since settled this queer business and we are good.

It has been one hell of a ride. I've grown immensely and am more sure of myself. I know what works for and doesn't work for me. I have learnt a great deal and have tried to pass on my lessons from mistakes made to the younger crop. I've managed to hang onto my sense of childlike wonder. It is that which keeps me curious and willing to try out new things. I like my life right now, warts and all. It is not ideal but it is mine. Would I change anything? Probably not. I am the sum of all things good and bad.

SO HERE'S TO THE NEXT 10 YEARS!

10 Years Ago Today

I left
my parents' house
the land of my birth
my family
my friends
my mother's cooking
my grandparents
the safety of it all
to make a name for myself.

Tomorrow I'll post my reflection on the past 10 years

Tuesday Beat: Maxwell - Whenever Wherever Whatever / This Woman's Work

Self Awareness

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you more randomness. I took a communications class and one thing that was recommended was that we start to understand who we are as people so that you can understand how people perceive you as well as what your biases are.

Over the last couple of weeks I've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with myself. That would be enough to drive me crazy under most circumstances, but I've come to realize a few things about myself:

1. I like my alone time. [I process things better that way]
2. I spend a lot of time in my head. [No I'm not losing it]
3. I am an exacting person. [To a certain extent]
4. I have learnt to tolerate silence. [I don't have to fill it with sound]
5. My definitions of things tend to be more fluid than not. If you ask me a question, I will say it depends and ask you to fine down your question. I can answer the question without necessarily giving you the answer according to me. *See next point*
6. I am a very private person. Save for this blog I avoid talking about my private life. Someone once said to me "I've known you for years and I still know next to nothing about you." I can be very specific in my vagueness and you have to have known me for a while to fully understand that statement.
7. I will debate someone not because I feel very strongly about something but because I am curious about how passionate you are about something. [I do know when to cede gracefully even if I don't agree with a person]
8. I enjoy learning. [I am curious by nature]
9. To date me a person has to understand that they are not the most important person in my life. [my niece holds that position]
10. I am an eternal optimist.

K that's about it ... have an awesome weekend folks!