Well here's to those who have taken the trip down the aisle. I promised a blurb on the relationship that I have with marriage \ commitment \ exclusiveness.
Well for the longest time I had an aversion to marriage, hell let's be honest all relationships that involved any form of long term commitment. My role models in life weren't the greatest but they existed. My maternal grandparents were married for 6 decades and my parents have been for over 2 decades. Now along with those are a slew of people around me who do not know the first thing about commitment even though they are married. They seem to have made a bigger impression on me when compared to the sturdy relationships.
I am that odd sheep that you get in every family. I have had issues with getting into committed relationships such that I have never actually had one. I will date but as soon as the words exclusive come up, I start feeling really itchy. It's not that I cheat, but hearing exclusive thrown in just gives me a case of the hives. I should say gave because I don't run for the hills but I'm also not standing still when this discussion is held.
During my undergrad years, I usually had two people on the card at the same time. They both knew of each other ... my faults might be many, but I never lied about who was on the cards to either party. I finally took a hiatus from dating because it was getting a lil hazardous to my wallet's health. Over the last year I've slowly gone back to the dating scene, catching a dinner here and there or going to some place like an aquarium or museum ... cheap but educational fun ( i'm a piss poor student no point in pretending otherwise). Whether or not I will get int a relationship is yet to be seen.
My mother has been chastising me for making it to 25 still single. She had me when she was 24 so I'm behind schedule as far as she is concerned. She has not met anyone that I've dated in the last 6 yrs (try explaining girlfriend to an african mother). She knows that I have no intention of settling down with a man ever ... that much I've stressed to her. If I can't see someone exclusively, what in all holiness makes you think I'll settle down dear mother of mine?
Now as several of my friends have wed, and a couple more plan to within the year, I have found myself thinking about what it would be like if I got married ( or had a civil union). First thing on my list is a PRENUP. You can bet your bottom dollar it will be as airtight as an astronaut's suit. I am not losing half my stuff even if I am in the wrong. What you brought in you take out.
Everything else my partner is welcome to decide on. I honestly don't have the patience to pick between lilac seat covers and lavender seat covers. They are the same as far as I am concerned .... purple is purple. Just tell me when to show up and how many I have to provide for the wedding party. My only request would be that I be able to wear a traditional suit such as a sherwani or jodphuri or the traditional Zulu attire complete with shield and spear. K maybe not the last one but at least the sherwani. I'll provide the DJ as I am acquainted with several DJs most of whom would do it for free in favor of the dubious honor of seeing me get hitched as they know my track record.
Well all this is to say, while I will not be grabbing the nearest bonny lass and marching to the alter, I am no longer as averse to the idea as I used to be.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Jenn and Dee's random vlog
The ladies have returned with a vlog about absolutely nothing. I enjoy watching these ladies as it's more like listening to a conversation that your friends are having. Jenn breaking out the P.P.E ... hilarious. Reminds me of when I used to work in manufacturing ... and the time that we were volunteering in New Orleans. I have a great dislike for those Tyvek suits that we were required to wear. I understand dorning those in winter, but in 90 degree heat, a personal sauna is not on the top of the list.
Anyway enjoy this week's installment. BTW they shout out Lovers and Friends Show which I love. Tori get an amen and a double preach for her hotness. Don't forget to check out the slang phrase of the week. Thanks to the ladies for vlogging it down.
Holla!
Ty
Anyway enjoy this week's installment. BTW they shout out Lovers and Friends Show which I love. Tori get an amen and a double preach for her hotness. Don't forget to check out the slang phrase of the week. Thanks to the ladies for vlogging it down.
Holla!
Ty
Thursday, March 27, 2008
half penny post
hey all, quarter's been over for a hot minute and we've been on spring break. i did a write up for the blog which is being proof read so i'm hoping to put up it up next week once it's deemed presentable. overall i'm hoping all the readers are in good health.
Logoonline has an interesting documentary on being out Dangerous Living: Coming Out in the Developing World and it was an eye opener.
Speaking of my mom having a cow.... a conversation with my mom netted the following: I need to start thinking about settling down, I need to start thinking about having kids, and i need to disabuse myself of the idea that I'm adopting a child. I am expected to give my mom a child not my partner or anyone else. Well she has another thing coming to her because I'm adopting. Be it my partner's child or from a home.
Come to think of it, tomorrow I should write on my take on marriage. A past post hinted at that.
Teach Tolerance!
Ty
Logoonline has an interesting documentary on being out Dangerous Living: Coming Out in the Developing World and it was an eye opener.
Dangerous Living opens with testimony from one of the "Cairo 52" defendants Ashraf Zanati, who was tortured, humiliated, beaten and forced to spend 13 months in prison. His simple, but powerful statement sets out the basic theme for the film: "My sexuality is my own sexuality. It doesn't belong to anybody - not to my government, not to my brother, my sister, my family. No."For most of my out life I have lived in the Western world and have faced very little backlash. I've had a few family run-ins and while most have been minor one or two have been harrowing experiences. The perk of living out here right now is that I can choose to not answer my phone and that's helped immensely. I know that if I were to return home, I'd have a lot more problems. I don't wear dresses/ skirts. My mannerisms are decidedly masculine. Well my mom will have a cow and everyone else will have the milk.
Speaking of my mom having a cow.... a conversation with my mom netted the following: I need to start thinking about settling down, I need to start thinking about having kids, and i need to disabuse myself of the idea that I'm adopting a child. I am expected to give my mom a child not my partner or anyone else. Well she has another thing coming to her because I'm adopting. Be it my partner's child or from a home.
Come to think of it, tomorrow I should write on my take on marriage. A past post hinted at that.
Teach Tolerance!
Ty
Monday, March 17, 2008
LESBIAN
L -Loving
E - Empowered
S - Successful
B - Brave
I - Intelligent
A - Assertive
N - Natural
extracted from Reuters Africa
E - Empowered
S - Successful
B - Brave
I - Intelligent
A - Assertive
N - Natural
extracted from Reuters Africa
Random Thoughts
To be caught between several worlds is quite a crazy thing. For the longest time I lived between several worlds and making them merge seamlessly is proving to be not only stressful but also futile. Some of the areas in which I find myself are by choice others by the luck of the draw.
I am African living in an American world,
I am black living in a primarily white environment.
I am gay living in a hetero world.
I am female living in a world where male = 1 and female =2
I tend to ignore this most of the time but every now and then I hit a wall and am reminded of who people think that I am based on looks. That forces me to sit down at times and calculate the odds that I am going up against on a daily basis. Kinda depressing if you ask me, but what in life isn't?
I'm still trying to get my family to understand that sexuality is not something that you choose. It chooses you in a manner of speaking. I can no more make myself straight, than I can make myself male. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that's God' doing and no one else's. The African hard coding makes them insist that it is unnatural, something that we "caught" while abroad, an abomination, and something that can either be beaten out of one or prayed out of one. NOT HAPPENNING! I will not attempt to change who I am to make everyone happy. Hell, has anyone seen me in heels? I have seen drag queens in training who strut their stuff better than I can.
I have several mates who are getting married in the coming months and talking to them got me thinking about what I would wear if I were to strut down the aisle ( in truth I'll probably be the one waiting at the alter with the best person holding the smelling salts in case i drop. That brought me to the top 3 items that I'd wear willingly: A Nehru Suit, a Jodhpuri suit or a Sherwani notice a theme yet?
I decided to put up a lil something that was composed a while back that illustrates where I find myself now and again.
when i am around black people - i don't feel black enough
when i'm around africans - i don't feel african enough
when i'm around gays - i don't feel gay enough
when i'm around christians - i don't feel christian enough
when i'm around me - i do feel that i'm enough
and that in and of itself is enough.
Ty
I am African living in an American world,
I am black living in a primarily white environment.
I am gay living in a hetero world.
I am female living in a world where male = 1 and female =2
I tend to ignore this most of the time but every now and then I hit a wall and am reminded of who people think that I am based on looks. That forces me to sit down at times and calculate the odds that I am going up against on a daily basis. Kinda depressing if you ask me, but what in life isn't?
I'm still trying to get my family to understand that sexuality is not something that you choose. It chooses you in a manner of speaking. I can no more make myself straight, than I can make myself male. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that's God' doing and no one else's. The African hard coding makes them insist that it is unnatural, something that we "caught" while abroad, an abomination, and something that can either be beaten out of one or prayed out of one. NOT HAPPENNING! I will not attempt to change who I am to make everyone happy. Hell, has anyone seen me in heels? I have seen drag queens in training who strut their stuff better than I can.
I have several mates who are getting married in the coming months and talking to them got me thinking about what I would wear if I were to strut down the aisle ( in truth I'll probably be the one waiting at the alter with the best person holding the smelling salts in case i drop. That brought me to the top 3 items that I'd wear willingly: A Nehru Suit, a Jodhpuri suit or a Sherwani notice a theme yet?
I decided to put up a lil something that was composed a while back that illustrates where I find myself now and again.
when i am around black people - i don't feel black enough
when i'm around africans - i don't feel african enough
when i'm around gays - i don't feel gay enough
when i'm around christians - i don't feel christian enough
when i'm around me - i do feel that i'm enough
and that in and of itself is enough.
Ty
Thursday, March 13, 2008
T:SCC Jenn & Dee's vlog
Yet another masterpiece from the T:SCC ladies. I was laughing so hard while watching this. I will miss their recaps of the show. This week they did the season finale and we sure are hoping that they renew it if for no other reason, we hope they do it for Jenn's "future wifey" who has no lines but is hottttt. Hopefully Jenn & Dee will grace us with yet another vlog in the near future.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 1
Part 2
5 cent post - Out at work
Today y'all have the honor of reading a 5 cent post. I'm approaching end of quarter so I'm spending oodles of time on a pc writing code and haven't had much time to write here.
During my morning and evening commutes I try to read on the el and of late I've been reading 2 books simultaneously: Does your mama know and Hungochani. 2 very different books, one covering coming out stories from the African American lesbian community and the other homosexuality southern African style.
The primary reason for my loggin in today was to write about being out in the work place. I had an online conversation with a lady who was weighing the pros and cons of being out in the workplace.
I am out at work. When I took my current job, I decided that I would not censor myself when it came to my private life. I had no intention of flaunting my sexuality, but I would not use ambiguous terms when discussing the people in my life. When discussing what we did over the weekend, I was not going to say "hung out with a friend" if I had gone on a date with a wee bonny lass. It was something that I did for me. It was also quite freeing. I know all about the office closet and trust me, all that toner and ink in it left me quite light headed most of the time.
It also helped a lot that I was working in an accepting environment and they didn't bat an eyelash when I used she instead of he when discussing mates. At a previous job (more like 2 back) being out could have resulted in my being fired as it was a conservative environment. Come to think of it, at most of my other jobs I spent more time dodging the who are you seeing question than actually answering it. I heard the whispers that followed people who were suspected of being "in that life" and it was never pretty. Now that is not to say people never whispered about me, it's just that I was never shunned outright.
Anyway all this rambling is to say I waited until I had reached a level of comfort with my sexuality at which I was willing put my whole self out there to the general public. It took yet another level of confidence and comfort to simply say I am who I am, hire me or fire me. Yea I lost a few nights of sleep after I had made my resolution, but for me it has been worth it. DO what feels right for you ... if you are feeling the holy ghost of Diana Ross and are feeling like coming out and letting the world know, go ahead. Ultimately it's your happiness that's at stake...
Ty
During my morning and evening commutes I try to read on the el and of late I've been reading 2 books simultaneously: Does your mama know and Hungochani. 2 very different books, one covering coming out stories from the African American lesbian community and the other homosexuality southern African style.
The primary reason for my loggin in today was to write about being out in the work place. I had an online conversation with a lady who was weighing the pros and cons of being out in the workplace.
I am out at work. When I took my current job, I decided that I would not censor myself when it came to my private life. I had no intention of flaunting my sexuality, but I would not use ambiguous terms when discussing the people in my life. When discussing what we did over the weekend, I was not going to say "hung out with a friend" if I had gone on a date with a wee bonny lass. It was something that I did for me. It was also quite freeing. I know all about the office closet and trust me, all that toner and ink in it left me quite light headed most of the time.
It also helped a lot that I was working in an accepting environment and they didn't bat an eyelash when I used she instead of he when discussing mates. At a previous job (more like 2 back) being out could have resulted in my being fired as it was a conservative environment. Come to think of it, at most of my other jobs I spent more time dodging the who are you seeing question than actually answering it. I heard the whispers that followed people who were suspected of being "in that life" and it was never pretty. Now that is not to say people never whispered about me, it's just that I was never shunned outright.
Anyway all this rambling is to say I waited until I had reached a level of comfort with my sexuality at which I was willing put my whole self out there to the general public. It took yet another level of confidence and comfort to simply say I am who I am, hire me or fire me. Yea I lost a few nights of sleep after I had made my resolution, but for me it has been worth it. DO what feels right for you ... if you are feeling the holy ghost of Diana Ross and are feeling like coming out and letting the world know, go ahead. Ultimately it's your happiness that's at stake...
Ty
Monday, March 10, 2008
PSA: None of us are safe
Here's a public service announcement that I think is worth posting. If you are so inclined, please post it on your blogs as well (to get the embed code click on <>). I agree with the sentiment that none of us are safe until all of us are safe. Be a voice against violence!
Teach Tolerance!
Ty
Teach Tolerance!
Ty
Friday, March 7, 2008
T:SCC Jenn & Dee's vlog
These two ladies make my weekend. Of all the vlogs on Afterellen, I think this one is at the top of my list. They have their word of the week which is always entertaining. Get your gay slang 101 on!
The Lo-Down
Sarah and Malinda of the Lo-Down on Afterellen are a lil snarkier this this time around. This week they give us the Top 10 Desirable Qualities in a Bitch. Hard to beat that countdown.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Hungochani and other thoughts
I've been ploughing my way through a book entitled Hungochani: History of Dissident Sexuality in Southern Africa by Marc Epprecht. It is recommended reading for those of African origin as we are constantly being told that homosexuality is not African. One of the author's arguments to support the fact that it has been around since time immemorial is that "... Europeans introduced homophobia, not homosexuality ....". Now that is something to ponder and as I continue to read through the book, I will post one or two things which I consider interesting. The author approaches the subject in a fairly linear manner and follows it from colonialization to present day. There are also interviews with elderly individuals who are able to shed some light on homosexuality in the past. For those with a library nearby grab yourself a copy and email me any thoughts that come to mind as you read it.
Now a point which should be made while I'm thinking about it is that I don't agree with everything the author says so don't quote me as being fully behind him.
Gays and lesbians have always been a part of society, the only difference between those in history and those today seems to be that we are no longer treating homosexuality as a taboo subject.
Some of us are able to stand up and say yes I'm a lesbian and it is who I am at the elemental level. It is not a family curse or a spirit. It just is who I am. I am as productive an individual as the next and should not be treated as anything less.
Some of us are not able to be out which is also equally understandable. There are a lot of risks associated with being out such as imprisonment, getting beaten up or even killed. What is important is that we all try and do what we can to show that being gay or lesbian is as normal as being heterosexual.
Over the coming weeks (probably every week or two) I plan to write several serious articles that cover a topic that is related to homosexuality. A lot of the topics are covered in other blogs so I'm going to be doing some serious quoting and each article will have a list of resources for further reading. For the most part I plan to keep this blog light but it would be a disservice to the readers if all I did was bring out the fun factor. On Thursday I'll be updating the vlogs and putting up this week's installment of T:SCC with Jenn and Dee.
Now a point which should be made while I'm thinking about it is that I don't agree with everything the author says so don't quote me as being fully behind him.
Gays and lesbians have always been a part of society, the only difference between those in history and those today seems to be that we are no longer treating homosexuality as a taboo subject.
Some of us are able to stand up and say yes I'm a lesbian and it is who I am at the elemental level. It is not a family curse or a spirit. It just is who I am. I am as productive an individual as the next and should not be treated as anything less.
Some of us are not able to be out which is also equally understandable. There are a lot of risks associated with being out such as imprisonment, getting beaten up or even killed. What is important is that we all try and do what we can to show that being gay or lesbian is as normal as being heterosexual.
Over the coming weeks (probably every week or two) I plan to write several serious articles that cover a topic that is related to homosexuality. A lot of the topics are covered in other blogs so I'm going to be doing some serious quoting and each article will have a list of resources for further reading. For the most part I plan to keep this blog light but it would be a disservice to the readers if all I did was bring out the fun factor. On Thursday I'll be updating the vlogs and putting up this week's installment of T:SCC with Jenn and Dee.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Ellen on Lawrence King's murder
Hey all, I'm following up on a past post that I did. A mate of mine sent me this youtube video of a clip from Ellen.
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