Random Thoughts

To be caught between several worlds is quite a crazy thing. For the longest time I lived between several worlds and making them merge seamlessly is proving to be not only stressful but also futile. Some of the areas in which I find myself are by choice others by the luck of the draw.

I am African living in an American world,
I am black living in a primarily white environment.
I am gay living in a hetero world.
I am female living in a world where male = 1 and female =2

I tend to ignore this most of the time but every now and then I hit a wall and am reminded of who people think that I am based on looks. That forces me to sit down at times and calculate the odds that I am going up against on a daily basis. Kinda depressing if you ask me, but what in life isn't?

I'm still trying to get my family to understand that sexuality is not something that you choose. It chooses you in a manner of speaking. I can no more make myself straight, than I can make myself male. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that's God' doing and no one else's. The African hard coding makes them insist that it is unnatural, something that we "caught" while abroad, an abomination, and something that can either be beaten out of one or prayed out of one. NOT HAPPENNING! I will not attempt to change who I am to make everyone happy. Hell, has anyone seen me in heels? I have seen drag queens in training who strut their stuff better than I can.

I have several mates who are getting married in the coming months and talking to them got me thinking about what I would wear if I were to strut down the aisle ( in truth I'll probably be the one waiting at the alter with the best person holding the smelling salts in case i drop. That brought me to the top 3 items that I'd wear willingly: A Nehru Suit, a Jodhpuri suit or a Sherwani notice a theme yet?

I decided to put up a lil something that was composed a while back that illustrates where I find myself now and again.
when i am around black people - i don't feel black enough
when i'm around africans - i don't feel african enough
when i'm around gays - i don't feel gay enough
when i'm around christians - i don't feel christian enough
when i'm around me - i do feel that i'm enough
and that in and of itself is enough.

Ty