Living One's Truth

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: "It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

I have gone back and forth as to whether or not I wanted to make this a public post. I'm making it public, but I've cleaned it up and removed the specific situs that were in the original post.

I would like to live my truth in its entirety but it is something that I know I probably won't. My current truth is more of an amalgamation of my truth, that of the rest of my family and that of the people in my life. There are things that I want for myself that I know will fracture my family if I choose them so I walk a very fine line... and it's not just my sexuality that I am talking about.

There are things that I want to do that I don't know if I ever will because I will lose the support of the people around me. I know because I get to hear them go on about people who have done what I want to do. Sounds stupid for me to be listening to them right? If I had more of a spine I would break off these relationships with folks and go on and do what I want but it is not that easy is it?

I keep telling myself that I can deal with the middle ground that I am on, but if I am honest with myself for a moment I can see that it is taking its toll on me. I am seeing the cracks and something has got to give.
I do own up to my part in creating this situation. Some of the things I should have nipped in the bud when they first came up instead of trying to find a compromise. I knew straight out of the gate that I did not want to do what was recommended but to maintain peace in my life I chose to go along with a variation of the plan. Can you say peace now hell later.

Now don't get me wrong, there are people in my life that I know will have my back come what may. They've been with me during the highs, the lows and the what was I thinking moments. So when I do decide to finally grow a pair, I know that I will not be alone.


Quote was taken from How to Live Your Truth by Amanda Ford