Tuesday Beat: Monica / Keyshia Cole / Musiq Soulchild

3 songs 1 beat

Monica - Breaks My Heart


Keyshia Cole - Fallin Out


Musiq Soulchild - If U Leave ft Mary J. Blige [my fave]

Reflecting on the past 10 years: 2000 - 2010

The first five years can be summarised as studied, studied, worked and studied some more. The second five can be summarised as worked, worked, studied, worked, played.

I got my first degree in '04 and I must say I am proud of myself for finishing that more than anything else in my life. It was a journey with lots of ups and downs with me not even knowing if I would return the next semester. The Lord came through each and every time. I worked 3 jobs at one point because I was not going out without putting my all into it. For my second degree I had a full ride so it was more about putting out quality work. I also was put in charge of a program on campus and that kept me occupied. Both my parents flew in for my second graduation because I was the first person on my father's side [second on my mother's side] of the family to get a Masters. I got a third degree recently and that one was my because I can degree. I hope to get started on degree 4 which will be a PhD at some point in the near future.

I managed to inherit my sister during my junior year of college and I had to learn parenting 101 pronto. My OH family helped out a lot because I knew next to nothing about raising teenagers. My sister probably had more freedoms than most teens in her school because I really did not enforce anything other than do your school work. I would write her notes to get her out of school ... I made one hell of a parent. She also got to participate in college activities from the time she was 15 because it was the only way we could do lots of stuff together. She went on trips with the univ international students and would attend dinners and presentations with me. I recall taking her to a dance on campus the night before her ACTs. Not wise, but she wanted to go. After she got her license I never saw my car keys again.

I also lost my grandparents during that time period and it was hard not being able to say good bye. I had been close to them even after I moved here so it just pushed home the fact that life was short. People got married, had kids and asked when I was going to settle down. I still have to hold back a snort when they ask. One day I will answer I am already married and my wife's name is X. I can already hear the crickets chirping after that statement.

I have a beautiful niece that is the apple of my eye. She has given me more of a reason to get my stuff together than anyone else. She smiles and everything is alright with the world. She is my heart and I love her unconditionally.

Somewhere in between there I kissed and shagged a woman and even dated a nice guy [nothing physical on that front]. He was my last stop in heteroville. I recall a friend asking me why I'd stopped drinking and I remember telling her I wanted to be in control of myself. Apparently that raised a few rainbow flags for her. I did come out eventually and I told my sis and a few friends. The reactions varied but the bottom line is they were eventually ok with it. It wasn't until I was 24 that I stopped actively hiding the queer part of myself. God and I have since settled this queer business and we are good.

It has been one hell of a ride. I've grown immensely and am more sure of myself. I know what works for and doesn't work for me. I have learnt a great deal and have tried to pass on my lessons from mistakes made to the younger crop. I've managed to hang onto my sense of childlike wonder. It is that which keeps me curious and willing to try out new things. I like my life right now, warts and all. It is not ideal but it is mine. Would I change anything? Probably not. I am the sum of all things good and bad.

SO HERE'S TO THE NEXT 10 YEARS!

10 Years Ago Today

I left
my parents' house
the land of my birth
my family
my friends
my mother's cooking
my grandparents
the safety of it all
to make a name for myself.

Tomorrow I'll post my reflection on the past 10 years

Tuesday Beat: Maxwell - Whenever Wherever Whatever / This Woman's Work

Self Awareness

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you more randomness. I took a communications class and one thing that was recommended was that we start to understand who we are as people so that you can understand how people perceive you as well as what your biases are.

Over the last couple of weeks I've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with myself. That would be enough to drive me crazy under most circumstances, but I've come to realize a few things about myself:

1. I like my alone time. [I process things better that way]
2. I spend a lot of time in my head. [No I'm not losing it]
3. I am an exacting person. [To a certain extent]
4. I have learnt to tolerate silence. [I don't have to fill it with sound]
5. My definitions of things tend to be more fluid than not. If you ask me a question, I will say it depends and ask you to fine down your question. I can answer the question without necessarily giving you the answer according to me. *See next point*
6. I am a very private person. Save for this blog I avoid talking about my private life. Someone once said to me "I've known you for years and I still know next to nothing about you." I can be very specific in my vagueness and you have to have known me for a while to fully understand that statement.
7. I will debate someone not because I feel very strongly about something but because I am curious about how passionate you are about something. [I do know when to cede gracefully even if I don't agree with a person]
8. I enjoy learning. [I am curious by nature]
9. To date me a person has to understand that they are not the most important person in my life. [my niece holds that position]
10. I am an eternal optimist.

K that's about it ... have an awesome weekend folks!

Dear God

I've not been in sync with you lately.

Tuesday Beat: Bobby Mcferrin - Don't Worry Be Happy!

Random Beat: African Jazz Pioneers - Way Back Fifties

South Africa's finest.

Weekly Rundown - Lawd Ha Mercy

I repeat Lawd Ha Mercy! The heat ... I know I complain about the cold but at least I can always add an extra layer. I can only take off so much before I am cited for indecency.  The lake usually has a breeze but a heat index of 101 with 40% humidity nullifies any benefit from it.

• Que tal mis amigos? Estoy muy bien, un poco caliente pero bueno.
• My beloved niece has learnt how to say mama ... brought tears to my eyes first time I heard her say it over the phone. Now my mission is to get her to say tia (spanish) or dala (ndebele) though more likely than not her next words will be uzakuwa which means you will fall.
• Thusly finding myself with a lot of free time on my hands, I have taken up classes in preparedness, communication and leadership. As part of my class on communication, I had to take a Myers Briggs test. Surprise surprise I am an INTJ. I knew there was a reason why I was drawn to preparedness / continuity / contingency planning. To quote:
All Rationals are good at planning operations, but Masterminds are head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning. Complex operations involve many steps or stages, one following another in a necessary progression, and Masterminds are naturally able to grasp how each one leads to the next, and to prepare alternatives for difficulties that are likely to arise any step of the way. Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.
• Now I get to start chipping away at the next set of issues. I'm no longer feeling as overwhelmed. *secures helmet*
• Forgot to add, I am quite the cook in training. This week we perfected a pancake recipe and I made chicken and dumplings soup south asian style [image 2] aka some curry, garam masala, corriander, cumin and light soy found their way into the recipe. For the dumplings, I threw in a sprinkle of sugar and a dash of garam masala. Trust me it worked. I'm learning how sugar can sometimes bring out the savory flavors in a dish. Side note Bal Anerson the Spice Goddess on Cooking Channel is my inspiration behind the chicken and dumplings.

Tuesday Beat: Burhan G - A Song for Her

Will I ever get to speak to her and
If I did, what would I say
My nerves would get in the way
Shes probably got a boyfriend anyway ...

For all the tongue tied buggers out there.

I was doing so well then I got tagged ...

Foxy Brown over at Makes.No.Sense tagged me so I am honor bound to fulfill the tag requirements as written out in the Blogger Accord of 1783.

1. What inspired you to start a blog and share your style with the world?
I was extremely bored and needed to kill time. iKid iKid. I wanted to write down my experiences as a queer African as I navigated life and family. It's actually turned into a nice journal of sorts.

2. If you dumped your handbag right this second, what contents would fall out of your makeup bag?
Que? I know not this handbag that you speak of. I own a wallet and some chapstick if that's what you are asking.

3. Which celebrity do you wish you had on speed dial to call for shopping dates?
Stacy London duh ...

4. Favorite Ben and Jerry’s flavor?
I'm a Häagen-Dazs Rum Raisin girl.

5. What are you most looking forward to pulling out of your closet this fall?
Boooottttttssssss!!!!!

6. Describe your personal style in three words.
comfortable, clean color-palette

7. What are you currently rocking on your iPod?
iBe listening to everything. Got some House, Kwaito, Christian, Soukous, Techno, J-Pop, Afro Jazz, Country ... you name it's probably on there. I just can't handle heavy metal.

8. What’s your favorite way to mix high-end items with low-budget pieces?
I'm a shoe person so the rear of DSW, Famous Footwear, Aldo coupled with some good ol' gently used stuff. My local purveyors of gently used articles know what I like and will sometimes let me know when they will be putting out stuff that I like.

OK so I am tagging ... Sheena, Evolving, and Sempe.

Random Beat: Marcos Hernandez - The Way I Do

Have a great weekend!

The Rundown

I have been on a roller coaster ride for the past 2 weeks and was beginning to wonder if I could get off. I have always maintained that the state of one's life is a matter of perspective. Well my perspective today is that mine's one bleeping bleep of bleep. Tomorrow it will probably be different. Whining ahead ... you have been duly warned.

First up the highs. I was all set to break bread with the librarian this week. I had finally gotten myself sorted out and had a day and time set out for the victuals. Yay for me right! Then life happened and here I was afraid of jinxing the date. Anyway I won't see the fair woman for another 2 weeks and that is pure torture.

Next high pertains to the other woman in my life, my niece. I am convinced she is going to turn into a little Ty. Not the queer part, but personality wise. She loves to "read". She'll hold her little book, upside down, and actually mimic the reading action of turning the page the same way my sister does when she's reading to her. Kids grow up soo fast.

Onto the lows. It's not soo much that life itself is crappy, it's a few situations that I've found myself in recently that have me thinking buggering hell. I'm past the what else could go wrong phase and have gone straight to the bring it on. I know I will get out the situations, it's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, hell at this point I'm not even sure if it's sunlight or an oncoming train.

I had some hard decisions to make and what I finally decided was my course of action makes me feel like I'm regressing from a career standpoint. It is however for the best in the long run. I just have to suck it up for the next 4 or so months. I'm also hating having to explain myself 101 times and am definitely coming off as defensive when asked [PMS is probably not helping]. I know what I want and while I value input from the people in my life, I sometimes wish they would just say okay and leave it at that. Yes it's a skeletal plan, but I can't flesh out what I don't know. I have prayed on it and meditated on it and my gut says run with it. All that I need is the basic framework because God will help me fill in the rest as we go.

African Activist: Twenty Zimbabwe High School Girls Arrested for "Lesbian Relationships"

I quote:
Zimbabwe police have arrested 20 high school girls in Bulawayo for allegedly practising lesbian relationships, The Zimdiaspora reports.

UP to 20 Eveline High School girls in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe’s second largest city have been arrested for practising lesbian relationships, The Zim Diaspora can reveal.

The state media reported that 20 girls from all-girls Eveline High School were last Thursday picked up by police for allegedly engaging in homosexual activities.

The school’s headmistress Mrs Rosemary Moyo confirmed that the pupils had been picked up by police.

She would give details and referred further questions to the police.

Bulawayo acting provincial police spokesperson Assistant Inspector Bekimpilo Ndlovu yesterday also declined to discuss the issue.

"The matter is very delicate and cannot be discussed at the moment because that might jeopardise our investigations," said Asst Insp Ndlovu.

The 20 girls play for Carlton Football Club.

Carlton players went for a soccer tournament at Nswazi in Umzingwane District on July 17.

While there, one of the girls (name supplied), accused other team members of being lesbians.

School authorities questioned the girl and asked her to write a statement and she did so, pairing the suspects.

Carlton club president Ms Theresa Ndlovu expressed disappointment at the developments saying her vision was to empower girls through soccer.

Bulawayo provincial education director Mr Dan Moyo condemned the acts of homosexuality in schools, saying the practice was unacceptable.

He said he was shocked to learn about the news.

"I only read about it in the papers and I was shocked. I do not expect such behaviour. It is unacceptable," said Mr Moyo.

He would not say what his office would do about the issue as he was yet to receive a report from the school’s headmistress.

"We’re not sure if the accusations are true or a result of feuds among the pupils," said Mr Moyo.

Taken from African Activist: Twenty Zimbabwe High School Girls Arrested for "Lesbian Relationships" published 8/4/2010

Tuesday Beat: Jaylene Johnson - Closer To You

My acoustic song of the moment. My fave video of the song is not embeddable so we are going with second best. The link will take you to the Emily and Maya vid of the song.

Sunday musings

Last night I was watching the History International channel [I have crossed over from geek into nerd territory] and they had Banned from the Bible II playing. They were looking at books of scripture that were left out of what was the final draft of the Bible as well as why they were possibly left out. If you have an interest in Christian history it's worth a watch.

I enjoy watching these documentaries because they force me to really think through what it is that I believe in as it relates to God. While it might have been God inspired, the Bible is human edited so I read it with a grain of salt. I was once challenged to read the Bible as I would any other work of fiction. I was to just read through it without trying to interpret it and I must say it fits in rather nicely with the other works of fiction if read that way. You have  the protagonist, God and the villain, Satan and a plot that carries throughout culminating in the "final"  battle in Revelations.

Now before I am stoned and called blasphemous, I do believe in most of the teachings of the Bible. Most because there are things that I flat out disagree with. I like wearing fabric blends [Leviticus 19:19], eating shrimp [Leviticus 11:9-12] and flat out refuse to own another human being [Leviticus 25:44-45]. What I do believe in generally falls into the realm of loving God, loving one another and doing no harm.

Anyway going back to the documentary, they had a segment on what is considered an extension of the teachings of Paul. One of the things Paul is said to have preached extensively on is celibacy, abstinence etc. Made a lot of people mad when he said that men and women should practice celibacy as part of their religious activities in order to prepare for the second coming. The final draft that appeared in the Bible  recommended celibacy but made it a voluntary activity.  I just found it an interesting coincidence given yesterday's post.

Minor edit 8/2