Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all? I have to wonder. I had someone that I cared for deeply and she did me the great service of dragging my heart through a crocodile mud pit and putting it on a spit to roast. Well if I'm honest I fell for her and didn't have a prayer in hell of surviving a relationship with her. I deign to use the word love because well that would put too much of a significance to the relationship but to some extent, she was my first love.
Am I better off for having had that experience with her? Maybe though I doubt it.
My list of requirement now includes is not psychotic which pretty much excludes most women because PMS makes everyone psychotic at one time or another. Am I better off then? Yes.
I am less willing to trust my heart when it comes women I like. My brain now rules that roost. If logic says no, that's it I'm walking away. Am I better off then? No.
She taught me how to pick myself up, and wipe off the dust and keep moving. I learnt that I am unbreakable. I might become bent out of shape, but sooner or later, I will straighten myself out and keep it moving. You will bend me but you will never break me. Am I better off then? Yes.
I pay more attention to people's actions and words. I spend more time observing than participating. Am I better off then? Maybe.
I lost several of my friends when shit hit the fan. That's the problem with having mutual friends. I was warned by one of our mutual friends that when shit hit the fan it would fracture the group and I would in all likelihood end up being the one to walk away from the group. I should have listened as it cost me several people who I'd known well and had planned to work on projects with. Am I better off then? No.
Am I happier now that we're not together? Yes.
SOO am I better off then for having had the relationship? I begrudgingly have to answer Yes.
img courtesy of http://harmanonearth.wordpress.com/2008/04/01/how-to-mud-heart/
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