Tuesday Beauty: Shay Mitchell

Today's beauty is a Canadian of PLL fame. Totally jealous that she gets to  make out with Bianca Lawson. Our beat is Shayne Ward's Human.

Shout out to Gnisten09 for the first image.

Happy Birthday

To my sister and my niece: I wish you both many years of good health and good fortune!

Tuesday Beauty: Angie Harmon

I finally came round to watching Rizolli and Isles and Ms. Harmon has without question caught my eye. Tuesday Beat is Jill Scott with Crown Royal (on ice). Listen to the words!!! Ms. Scott brings on the sexy.

Tuesday Beauty: Valeria Solarino

For the next 4 weeks it'll be beats and beauty. Our starting line up is Valeria of Viola du Mare fame and  Shakira with Loca. If you are into subtitles [or not], you should check out Valeria's film which is an Italian love story centered around 2 women.

The Rundown

Before I am lambasted for skipping a few weeks, allow me to apologize.

• I've spent the last 2 weeks or so playing auntie. My niece was with me so you know I had a very different set of priorities. She has grown so much since I last saw her in October. Child has also grown exponentially naughtier but I still love her loads. I've gotten really good at catching her when she takes it upon herself to get off the couch / bed as fast as possible. I've also learnt the fine art of feeding a kid aka games and bribes.
• Onto the ladies ... well ummm how does one put this ... someone from my past has come back into the picture. Kinda makes for an interesting situation. The librarian is still very much alive and well ... don't judge. The new lass that I mentioned a few weeks back is still on the reserve bench. There is an easiness when we chat and we enjoy sharing parts of our lives, the good the bad and the ugly. She's a pretty cool chick but I'm feeling more of a friend vibe.
• I reconnected with an old school mate not too long ago and it has been interesting comparing notes on where our lives have taken us. We def thought we'd have all our shit together by now. She's been pretty cool with my coming out to her so I guess I'm belatedly thankful for that.

Onto some grown folks stuff [fair warning]-

• Chele over at Black n Bougie gave us The Case of the Ratchet-Ass Predatory Male - Just Boo which had my sister and I in stitches. Yes I've converted her into a regular BnB reader.
• Aquarius Soul has a post entitled Lesbian Porn Interrupted that is worth a read. It's her pet peeves about lesbian porn.
• A Brown Girl has Blush By ABG which is lesbian erotica. An entry or two will put a lil color in your cheeks.
• Soul Seduction keeps doing her thing with some awesomely blush worthy posts.

Have a great weekend folks!

Tuesday Beat: Mark Schultz - Walking Her Home

Sending this one out to the future Mrs Ty. One of the most beautiful love songs that I've ever heard.

Random Beat: The Unwinding Hours - Knut

Something a little different for you to enjoy.

Tuesday Beat: The Floacist ft Musiq - Forever

Love love love her new CD. If you don't already have it you should really consider getting it.



Need You

Tuesday Beat: Timbaland - Symphony

The beat does it for me.

The Rundown

Today's edition includes a topic request that I've included after the usual frivolities, The topic is in draft form so that I can get feedback [additions / your observations] from y'all before I put up the actual post so please tweet back, comment, smoke signal - do what you need to do to get me some feedback.

• First up - I got called out for dropping the potential new lass thing and not adding to it. So I'll offer a few tidbits. She's a little more seasoned than I am but not by much. Good conversation but of a very different flavor from what I'm used to. She has served hot cocoa [if you don't know what that means read BougieLand's best] in a few more cafes than I'm comfortable with but we'll work with it. I did encounter a lass way back when whose cafe list read like the yellow pages. I ran screaming the other way. For all I know new lass might end up firmly in the friend category. K that ought to get me back in y'alls good graces.
• Job search = pain in my derrière. Network - Research - Apply - Rinse and Repeat.
• I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving cause I might get to see my little princess. Le cheerleader jump and le YAY!
• If you have never paid a visit to BougieLand I highly recommend it. Chele's posts are sometimes funny and sometimes thought provoking. The readers' comments on the other hand ... pure ratchetness. My lunchtime routine includes going through them because they are just that entertaining. Yesterday's post on bad cocoa is second only to her her post on the Usher themed wedding that she attended.
• Soul Seduction is a new blog on the block that has some grown folks only types of posts by a blogger of the sapphic persuasion. Check it out.
• BBC's Lip Service would get a post of it's own of I wasn't so tired. We have one more episode left and I'm not feeling the way things are looking. DS Sam, go #teamsam, might have overdone it a little by proclaiming love for Cat. Cat's response of I like it made you feel really sorry for the DS. Moral of the story provided by the DS herself "Saying "I love you" is like a gun fight. If you draw first, you better not miss."

Have a great weekend folks!
-quick edit 11/12/10
-------------------------------------------------------------
Onto the topic request: Cultures and Norms
CDS, my friend, comes from a more conservative culture but lived in the US for many years. Much like most of us, she picked up a few americanisms and now that she is back home they are posing some challenges. So after much discussion I told her I'd blog on the topic and see what my web fam thinks.

Culture -

The customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group; also : the characteristic features of everyday existence (as diversions or a way of life} shared by people in a place or time.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition 5b

We can all agree that cultural norms vary widely by and within cultures. Italian American in Chicago is not the same as Italian American in Rome or o say Jersey [I know "reality tv" shows are scripted but stay with me]. I'm going to just point out a handful of things that I've observed that might present challenges for those from a more conservative culture when they either come here or go back. *Disclaimer: This is by no means a scientific study. My observations are based on my time in the midwest and looking at those in the 20 - 30 age bracket. *

Informality. We are an informal bunch of  folks. We'll call older folks by their first names and for the most part interact with them on an almost peer level. When I first got here I had a very hard time adjusting to calling adults by their first names. It took me years to do it without mentally cringing. Now I do it without much thought and it does earn me the stink eye on occasion when I meet some southern mannered folk. I do sometimes preface a name with Ms. or Mr., Dr. or use ma'am and sir but for the most part I don't.

Touch Feely a.k.a The business of being an equal opportunity hugger / handshaker etc. I am a fan of personal space and am still not totally comfortable giving hugs to people. Having said that, I will shake a hand without giving it any thought. In some more conservative areas, women may not shake men's hand. Now for those of you that keep up with current, you may have heard of the kerfuffle that was caused by Mrs Obama shaking the Indonesian president's hand ... best and most timely example. At the beginning of the quarter I used to give the male students that I knew very well dap as a sort of welcome back hug. If you live n the lab together for 3 months, you end up really well acquainted. Anyway I remember one quarter when one of my classmates brought a few of his new country men in so that they could get through the formalities. We gave each other dap and a few eyebrows went up. He'd been here almost as long as I had so to us it was nothing to them it was positively scandalous.

Use of terms of endearment such as dear / hun / girl / et al. Didn't realize how much of a problem this could cause until CDS and I were chatting. Granted in each there are terms of endearment, think habibti in Arabic, but one has to be very careful about when and with whom you are using them. There is a lot of room for misinterpretation. Here I could be talking to a someone and say "Ooo honey hush ...". Nobody would think much of it. Catch a flight to a more conservative place and that statement could be misconstrued as my already dating the person or trying to get familiar with them.

Aiight. That is my starting line-up. I'm shooting for 5 so let me know what comes to mind.

Tuesday Beat: Devlin's London City Instrumental

Enjoy.

The Rundown

Happy Diwali folks! May the lights be bright and the laddoo shared with family and friends sweet.

• On to the fun stuff for this week ... k so maybe I met this lass, who maybe I'd like to get to know a little better. Totally different from the librarian in a good way. And I am talking a full 180 degree turn.
• My niece is mumbling words. She'll do an i love you that'll bring you to tears. She'll also say hie and her personal favorite is oh-oh which she does when she drops or spills something or if she does something she knows she's not supposed to be doing and gets caught. She is also clicking her tongue ... there is hope for my little american learning ndebele.
• I blinked and suddenly we are in November. What did I do with October?
• How many of you twitter folk follow @luvvieig? If you don't you should. Trust me when I say you will never be bored.
• @atlfoxy has taken on the 30 days of blogging challenge that has some serious lineage. Check it out when you get a chance.
• Today I celebrated my youngest sister's birthday. She would have been 17 today. Life is short.
• Trying to decide whether I'm going left or right. One of them ought to be a good direction just don't know which it is.
• Anyone watch Bitchin' Kitchen on Cooking Channel TV?  I get quite a kick out of it every week. It's one of those shows that you either love or hate. The Israeli Spice Agent is my favorite character. The bit that he did on cinnamon a few episodes ago was just too much. iDahd when I saw it.
• Aiight have a great weekend folks. I get to spend part of mine with a good friend who'll be in town.

Tuesday Beat: Ghana Beats

First Tuesday = Africa's finest. This month Ghana's holding court. Thanks to K for the recommendations.

Wutah - Kotosa [Sa-sa-sa kotosa] love it!


Bradez - Simple

The Rundown

It's Halloween weekend ... hope y'all have some very creative costumes lined up. I've seen all sorts of hot messes out there but who am I to judge. There isn't a helluva lot to add this week's rundown due to the fact that I blogged on Tuesday and have been indoors quite a bit for the rest of the week.

• I learnt a few new facts about the librarian this week. Quit giving me the side eye, I want to be friends with her.
• @luvvieg was kind enough to point out how unsafe public wifi networks are especially in light of the Firesheep script that will pretty much access your cookies and therefore your logins and passwords. Protect yourselves! http://mashable.com/2010/10/28/firesheep-vpns/
• BBC's Lip Service is going to be the end of me. The DS is seriously all kinds of hotttt!
• Was watching this week's Nigella Kitchen on BBC Two (YT is a friend) and was pleasantly surprised to hear Cee Lo's FU playing. Jus saying you've got to watch some international programming every now and then.
• I am sending out a second e-slap to the Ugandan lawmakers who are vying to make it illegal to be gay. I mean what have we as gay people done to deserve your wrath?
• I've now got everybody and their mama in my job search Kool aid. It's getting a tad overwhelming.
• Happy Halloween!

image taken from churchmice.net. Please support Karl Zorowski  and his cartoon ministry.

Tuesday Beat and Tuesday Randomness

I know I know, y'all are thinking I forgot to post today's music ... well I did. With good reason, at least I thought it was a good reason. I was focused on my job search activities you see and had some prepping for this morning's activities. Good reason right? Well that and I was looking forward to kicking it with the librarian. Yes she's wifeyed up but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I love talking to her. Today we ended up talking about Einstein's book since I'm reading it. I want a woman as well read as her dammit.

I love going to furniture stores to see how furnishings are staged. I have picked out a bed that I like [size and sturdiness do matter] in addition to a dining table that I really like [simple 10 seater butcher block top with bench seats]. See my theory on furniture shopping is whatever you buy, you have got to be able to use it as a shagging surface. I plan to shag my partner on every surface in the house - horizontal, vertical and everything in between - so sturdiness is key. Yes I said it! I want bamboo flooring. Linoleum & vinyl burn are just as bad as rug burn so that is out. Stone flooring is just too cold. When you visit my future home know that every surface has been duly christened.

Last bit of randomness ... I want to experience happiness. Really truly out of my mind deliriously happy. If I had wings I would fly kind of happy. It's been a while since I've experienced that type of happy. You lose everything and forget what it means to experience true happiness. It really has very little to do with having possessions, those I will replace in due course. It's an internal joy that I need to find within myself.

Today's beat is from the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir - I never lost my praise.
I never lost my hope,
I never lost my joy
I never lost my faith
But most of all, I never lost my praise

* image taken from http://mahalanobis.twoday.net/stories/180139/

The Rundown

Forgive me readers for I have slacked. Sometimes life happens and all your best laid plans go to hell in a hand basket. *warning: there are some rants thrown in*

• I'll kick things off by addressing a common question, what's up with the librarian? She is now seeing someone. I pussy footed [who created this expression?] it too long and she is now seeing someone that I happen to know. My lesbian circle is officially too small.
• @atlfoxy + @SweetT_ = @MySweetJazz. These two are sweet enough to make anyone diabetic. May we all be lucky enough to find such love.
• Anyone watched or read about BBC's Lip Service? It is positively scandalous. Having watched the first two episodes I'm all in. AfterEllen recaps it here and Autostraddle recaps it here. For those who've never heard of Autostraddle, it's like the uncensored AfterEllen. Their NSFW Sunday articles are chock-full of all sorts of queer delights.
• For those who watch Grey's Anatomy religiously, you probably recall Arizona's speech about Mark staring at her boobs while talking to her. Watching that clip made me wonder how often I do that, ie, start off staring at a woman's eyes end somehow end up looking at the ladies below. So I set off to do a test at a networking event. I am happy to report that I don't do it as often as I feared I did.
• Las Aparicio ended last week with Julia finally marrying Mariana. My Spanish slang count will now drop if I don't find something else to watch. Le sigh.
• In other queer news what the hell is wrong with the journalists at Rolling Stone Uganda. I am sending them an e-slap for publishing a list of 100 alleged gays and lesbians and calling for the hanging of homos. Google the story as there is a fair amount of commentary out there on it. SMH.
• Job searching is draining. That's all I have to say, no more no less.
• I was advised to tone down my English earlier this week because it makes people uncomfortable. *begin rant* Since when is it wrong to use proper spoken English? I make an effort to not use big words or speak in theoretics because I get that the message has to be tailored to the audience. However, if during a conversation you say to me "I am an avid reader of Victorian era books", I am not out of line if I respond "So what is your favorite tome?". If you've read that much Dickens et al you should know the word. As it was a mock interview, I will take the advice and dumb down my speech some more. I need to find a full time job and toned down English it is.
• The flip side of my previous rant goes out to the fine folks who for some reason or other are very surprised that I am articulate. I said I was Zimbabwean not stupid. *end rant*
• Every week I try to read a book. Last week I read 1001 Arabian nights. This week it's Einstein's Relativity Theory. This one might span 2 weeks.
• Anyway I need to rest as I have EM duty tomorrow morning in the rain no less. Should be interesting. 
• Have a good weekend folks!

Tuesday Beat: Sia - Breathe Me

Chosen because of all the LGBT teen suicides that have been taking place. To the teen considering letting go, life does get better as you grow older. High school will end and a whole new world will open up allowing you to be your fabulous self. Take it from one whose been where you are, there are happier times ahead. Just hold on til then. The It Gets Better campaign that is going on will hopefully save a life.

Boyz II Men - I Can't Make You Love Me

The Rundown

Is it the weekend already? Le sigh ... I take that back, le smile. Weather's been good to an African :).
Last week I forgot to post the rundown. Yes forgot. I was too busy playing with my niece to recall what day of the week it was. It gets harder and harder to come back after I see her.

• My inner 5 year old is loving that it's leaf stomping season. Yes I do have the propensity to act very immature on occasion. My inner teen thinks the warm weather should like totally stay.
• I would like to pose a question to those of you with non-American accents ... do you get irked by people commenting on your accent? My accent leans more towards the British side of things and people seem to feel the need to point it out to me.
• Spent most of this past week battling code. Being a free lance worker means when you get an engagement you bust your ass for a check and when you are not engaged you bust your ass for free [in the name of skill building].
• I have EM related commitments every so often and depending on what we're doing [community canvassing, office data entry, helping with paperwork, participating in drills, etc] I dress accordingly. Can somebody please tell me why I get treated differently by the same receptionist depending on what I'm wearing. Last week I had to rock my blue collar look complete with helmet and reflective jacket and said receptionist had to bring on the extra attitude when I asked if i could pick up my mail. When I am formally dressed its all yes ma'ams... like really woman, do your rough days just happen to coincide with my steel toe days?
• Speaking of women, it's breast cancer awareness month so save your partner's life by giving her a thorough breast exam ... foreplay anyone? I joke about it, but early detection will save her life.
• National Coming Out Day is on the 11th of this month. Who are you coming out to this year?
• My alma mater has homecoming this weekend. I wish the football team all the best and hope that they uphold tradition and win their only game of the season. :) Yes they are that bad.

Have a great [long] weekend folks!

Celebrating love

A friend of mine, A, got married out east over the summer and they decided to throw a reception for everyone and said reception was this past weekend.

A is more like family if I'm honest. She's seen my sister and I through a lot of hell and high water situations. She was one of the first people who twigged on to the fact that I was probably gay and struggling with it. As a sign of how bad my gaydar was at the time, it took me an eternity to twig onto the fact that she was also into the lasses.

Anywho I went home to OH for the reception [and a visit with my niece] and it was nice to see the folks who came out to celebrate their love. Family, friends and even one of her high school teachers came out and it was heartening. Several of the guests were from our college days so catching up was a treat. Speaking of guests, there was an 80+ year old woman who not only cut a rug, but also rolled up that bad boy. She was on the floor doing dances that I had only seen high school students do. I want to have her energy levels when I'm her age.

It was also nice to meet the lass who "took her away from" us as a speaker said. I like her wife if for other reason than that she makes A happy. Her wife is the sweetest person ever and my niece took to her which is a good sign in my book.

I wish the happy couple a lifetime of happiness and love. While there will certainly be bumps in the road, may the smooth patches out number the bumps.

As a side note, I really should thank A. One of the guests was a lass that I had a thing for in school [why I am suddenly blushing is beyond me]. She is the reason why I finally started watching the women's soccer matches.

Tuesday Beat: African Jazz Pioneers - Ten Ten Special

A reminder of my homeland and in honor of a cousin who turns 16 today.

Tuesday Beat: Big Pun ft Joe - Still Not a Player

Had to take it back to Big Pun. Don't wanna be a player no more, I think I've found someone I can live my life for.

Total Randomness

... because it's been that type of a week ...

• The apple of my eye has teeth now and another niece turns 13 this weekend. It's hard to believe that I used to diaper that kid. Where have the years gone? I suddenly feel old. 
• It's national preparedness month so make sure you have first aid kits, survival kits, home disaster plans etc in place. Also does your place of employment have a business continuity plan in place?
• I have a bone to pick with bra designers ... who the fuck came up with the fasteners? Could they not have come up with something Velcro like but with more hold. Now don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the miracles that a good bra can work for a woman. I will, however, always gripe about the fastener fumble [I'm not that smooth].
• I was watching Current TV and they had a collection of short films that they featured in a program called Gay Pride: In & Out of the Closet (Part 1). They had a diverse collection of stories on gay life from around the world and the host wasn't exactly hard on the eyes either. I highly recommend watching it if you get Current TV.
• I am so getting myself an Audi R8. I've sat in that car so many times and imagined myself driving it across the Chi skyway. This past week I spent some QT in the company of the 2010 R8 Spyder drop top at the dealership. Damn near creamed my pants when I sat in it and held the steering wheel. I still want the hard top though.
• Choc chip pancakes are my new fave item to eat. They don't lend themselves very easily to a healthy lifestyle though. O and I now make a mean vegetable soup.

Q & A

• Was asked what I identify as. Umm given the alphabet soup that is out there, I use either queer or gay or flaming 'mo ... it just depends on how much of a rise I want to get out of the person who asked.
• Am I ever planning to settle down? Yuppers. I'm already interviewing for the position of the future Mrs. Ty.
• Why did I change my profile pic and put up an actual photo? Call it vanity.
• What would I cook for a date? Not sure.  Probably a side salad, rice and chicken stew and I'd buy a fruit tart for desert. If she's a vegetarian it'd be ricotta stuffed shells with a rose sauce [I worked in a kitchen years ago] instead of chicken stew. I suppose I could always sling a personal pan pizza. What can I say, I am a closeted cook. If she is a vegan ... sorry babe this is not going to work out.

And because I didn't include this week's Tuesday Beat I give you Ryan Cabrera with It's You.

¡Adiós!

And so ends my blogging sabbatical

I should begin blogging regularly this week after having taken time off to take care of a few things [the music posts were scheduled before my break]. To those who've posed questions I'll be answering those this week I hope :).

Ty

Tuesday Beat: Monica - Get Away

Sometimes I wish I could hide away
looking for a place to getaway
get away from all the heartache and pain
that life can bring
I really don't wanna sound
like I cant hold my ground
but everybody needs some time
that they can getaway

Tuesday Beat: Audius Mtawarira - Muchandiona

Some of Zim's finest. Translation - One day I will return having achieved much.

Tuesday Beat: Monica / Keyshia Cole / Musiq Soulchild

3 songs 1 beat

Monica - Breaks My Heart


Keyshia Cole - Fallin Out


Musiq Soulchild - If U Leave ft Mary J. Blige [my fave]

Reflecting on the past 10 years: 2000 - 2010

The first five years can be summarised as studied, studied, worked and studied some more. The second five can be summarised as worked, worked, studied, worked, played.

I got my first degree in '04 and I must say I am proud of myself for finishing that more than anything else in my life. It was a journey with lots of ups and downs with me not even knowing if I would return the next semester. The Lord came through each and every time. I worked 3 jobs at one point because I was not going out without putting my all into it. For my second degree I had a full ride so it was more about putting out quality work. I also was put in charge of a program on campus and that kept me occupied. Both my parents flew in for my second graduation because I was the first person on my father's side [second on my mother's side] of the family to get a Masters. I got a third degree recently and that one was my because I can degree. I hope to get started on degree 4 which will be a PhD at some point in the near future.

I managed to inherit my sister during my junior year of college and I had to learn parenting 101 pronto. My OH family helped out a lot because I knew next to nothing about raising teenagers. My sister probably had more freedoms than most teens in her school because I really did not enforce anything other than do your school work. I would write her notes to get her out of school ... I made one hell of a parent. She also got to participate in college activities from the time she was 15 because it was the only way we could do lots of stuff together. She went on trips with the univ international students and would attend dinners and presentations with me. I recall taking her to a dance on campus the night before her ACTs. Not wise, but she wanted to go. After she got her license I never saw my car keys again.

I also lost my grandparents during that time period and it was hard not being able to say good bye. I had been close to them even after I moved here so it just pushed home the fact that life was short. People got married, had kids and asked when I was going to settle down. I still have to hold back a snort when they ask. One day I will answer I am already married and my wife's name is X. I can already hear the crickets chirping after that statement.

I have a beautiful niece that is the apple of my eye. She has given me more of a reason to get my stuff together than anyone else. She smiles and everything is alright with the world. She is my heart and I love her unconditionally.

Somewhere in between there I kissed and shagged a woman and even dated a nice guy [nothing physical on that front]. He was my last stop in heteroville. I recall a friend asking me why I'd stopped drinking and I remember telling her I wanted to be in control of myself. Apparently that raised a few rainbow flags for her. I did come out eventually and I told my sis and a few friends. The reactions varied but the bottom line is they were eventually ok with it. It wasn't until I was 24 that I stopped actively hiding the queer part of myself. God and I have since settled this queer business and we are good.

It has been one hell of a ride. I've grown immensely and am more sure of myself. I know what works for and doesn't work for me. I have learnt a great deal and have tried to pass on my lessons from mistakes made to the younger crop. I've managed to hang onto my sense of childlike wonder. It is that which keeps me curious and willing to try out new things. I like my life right now, warts and all. It is not ideal but it is mine. Would I change anything? Probably not. I am the sum of all things good and bad.

SO HERE'S TO THE NEXT 10 YEARS!

10 Years Ago Today

I left
my parents' house
the land of my birth
my family
my friends
my mother's cooking
my grandparents
the safety of it all
to make a name for myself.

Tomorrow I'll post my reflection on the past 10 years

Tuesday Beat: Maxwell - Whenever Wherever Whatever / This Woman's Work

Self Awareness

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you more randomness. I took a communications class and one thing that was recommended was that we start to understand who we are as people so that you can understand how people perceive you as well as what your biases are.

Over the last couple of weeks I've had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with myself. That would be enough to drive me crazy under most circumstances, but I've come to realize a few things about myself:

1. I like my alone time. [I process things better that way]
2. I spend a lot of time in my head. [No I'm not losing it]
3. I am an exacting person. [To a certain extent]
4. I have learnt to tolerate silence. [I don't have to fill it with sound]
5. My definitions of things tend to be more fluid than not. If you ask me a question, I will say it depends and ask you to fine down your question. I can answer the question without necessarily giving you the answer according to me. *See next point*
6. I am a very private person. Save for this blog I avoid talking about my private life. Someone once said to me "I've known you for years and I still know next to nothing about you." I can be very specific in my vagueness and you have to have known me for a while to fully understand that statement.
7. I will debate someone not because I feel very strongly about something but because I am curious about how passionate you are about something. [I do know when to cede gracefully even if I don't agree with a person]
8. I enjoy learning. [I am curious by nature]
9. To date me a person has to understand that they are not the most important person in my life. [my niece holds that position]
10. I am an eternal optimist.

K that's about it ... have an awesome weekend folks!

Dear God

I've not been in sync with you lately.

Tuesday Beat: Bobby Mcferrin - Don't Worry Be Happy!

Random Beat: African Jazz Pioneers - Way Back Fifties

South Africa's finest.

Weekly Rundown - Lawd Ha Mercy

I repeat Lawd Ha Mercy! The heat ... I know I complain about the cold but at least I can always add an extra layer. I can only take off so much before I am cited for indecency.  The lake usually has a breeze but a heat index of 101 with 40% humidity nullifies any benefit from it.

• Que tal mis amigos? Estoy muy bien, un poco caliente pero bueno.
• My beloved niece has learnt how to say mama ... brought tears to my eyes first time I heard her say it over the phone. Now my mission is to get her to say tia (spanish) or dala (ndebele) though more likely than not her next words will be uzakuwa which means you will fall.
• Thusly finding myself with a lot of free time on my hands, I have taken up classes in preparedness, communication and leadership. As part of my class on communication, I had to take a Myers Briggs test. Surprise surprise I am an INTJ. I knew there was a reason why I was drawn to preparedness / continuity / contingency planning. To quote:
All Rationals are good at planning operations, but Masterminds are head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning. Complex operations involve many steps or stages, one following another in a necessary progression, and Masterminds are naturally able to grasp how each one leads to the next, and to prepare alternatives for difficulties that are likely to arise any step of the way. Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.
• Now I get to start chipping away at the next set of issues. I'm no longer feeling as overwhelmed. *secures helmet*
• Forgot to add, I am quite the cook in training. This week we perfected a pancake recipe and I made chicken and dumplings soup south asian style [image 2] aka some curry, garam masala, corriander, cumin and light soy found their way into the recipe. For the dumplings, I threw in a sprinkle of sugar and a dash of garam masala. Trust me it worked. I'm learning how sugar can sometimes bring out the savory flavors in a dish. Side note Bal Anerson the Spice Goddess on Cooking Channel is my inspiration behind the chicken and dumplings.

Tuesday Beat: Burhan G - A Song for Her

Will I ever get to speak to her and
If I did, what would I say
My nerves would get in the way
Shes probably got a boyfriend anyway ...

For all the tongue tied buggers out there.

I was doing so well then I got tagged ...

Foxy Brown over at Makes.No.Sense tagged me so I am honor bound to fulfill the tag requirements as written out in the Blogger Accord of 1783.

1. What inspired you to start a blog and share your style with the world?
I was extremely bored and needed to kill time. iKid iKid. I wanted to write down my experiences as a queer African as I navigated life and family. It's actually turned into a nice journal of sorts.

2. If you dumped your handbag right this second, what contents would fall out of your makeup bag?
Que? I know not this handbag that you speak of. I own a wallet and some chapstick if that's what you are asking.

3. Which celebrity do you wish you had on speed dial to call for shopping dates?
Stacy London duh ...

4. Favorite Ben and Jerry’s flavor?
I'm a Häagen-Dazs Rum Raisin girl.

5. What are you most looking forward to pulling out of your closet this fall?
Boooottttttssssss!!!!!

6. Describe your personal style in three words.
comfortable, clean color-palette

7. What are you currently rocking on your iPod?
iBe listening to everything. Got some House, Kwaito, Christian, Soukous, Techno, J-Pop, Afro Jazz, Country ... you name it's probably on there. I just can't handle heavy metal.

8. What’s your favorite way to mix high-end items with low-budget pieces?
I'm a shoe person so the rear of DSW, Famous Footwear, Aldo coupled with some good ol' gently used stuff. My local purveyors of gently used articles know what I like and will sometimes let me know when they will be putting out stuff that I like.

OK so I am tagging ... Sheena, Evolving, and Sempe.

Random Beat: Marcos Hernandez - The Way I Do

Have a great weekend!

The Rundown

I have been on a roller coaster ride for the past 2 weeks and was beginning to wonder if I could get off. I have always maintained that the state of one's life is a matter of perspective. Well my perspective today is that mine's one bleeping bleep of bleep. Tomorrow it will probably be different. Whining ahead ... you have been duly warned.

First up the highs. I was all set to break bread with the librarian this week. I had finally gotten myself sorted out and had a day and time set out for the victuals. Yay for me right! Then life happened and here I was afraid of jinxing the date. Anyway I won't see the fair woman for another 2 weeks and that is pure torture.

Next high pertains to the other woman in my life, my niece. I am convinced she is going to turn into a little Ty. Not the queer part, but personality wise. She loves to "read". She'll hold her little book, upside down, and actually mimic the reading action of turning the page the same way my sister does when she's reading to her. Kids grow up soo fast.

Onto the lows. It's not soo much that life itself is crappy, it's a few situations that I've found myself in recently that have me thinking buggering hell. I'm past the what else could go wrong phase and have gone straight to the bring it on. I know I will get out the situations, it's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, hell at this point I'm not even sure if it's sunlight or an oncoming train.

I had some hard decisions to make and what I finally decided was my course of action makes me feel like I'm regressing from a career standpoint. It is however for the best in the long run. I just have to suck it up for the next 4 or so months. I'm also hating having to explain myself 101 times and am definitely coming off as defensive when asked [PMS is probably not helping]. I know what I want and while I value input from the people in my life, I sometimes wish they would just say okay and leave it at that. Yes it's a skeletal plan, but I can't flesh out what I don't know. I have prayed on it and meditated on it and my gut says run with it. All that I need is the basic framework because God will help me fill in the rest as we go.

African Activist: Twenty Zimbabwe High School Girls Arrested for "Lesbian Relationships"

I quote:
Zimbabwe police have arrested 20 high school girls in Bulawayo for allegedly practising lesbian relationships, The Zimdiaspora reports.

UP to 20 Eveline High School girls in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe’s second largest city have been arrested for practising lesbian relationships, The Zim Diaspora can reveal.

The state media reported that 20 girls from all-girls Eveline High School were last Thursday picked up by police for allegedly engaging in homosexual activities.

The school’s headmistress Mrs Rosemary Moyo confirmed that the pupils had been picked up by police.

She would give details and referred further questions to the police.

Bulawayo acting provincial police spokesperson Assistant Inspector Bekimpilo Ndlovu yesterday also declined to discuss the issue.

"The matter is very delicate and cannot be discussed at the moment because that might jeopardise our investigations," said Asst Insp Ndlovu.

The 20 girls play for Carlton Football Club.

Carlton players went for a soccer tournament at Nswazi in Umzingwane District on July 17.

While there, one of the girls (name supplied), accused other team members of being lesbians.

School authorities questioned the girl and asked her to write a statement and she did so, pairing the suspects.

Carlton club president Ms Theresa Ndlovu expressed disappointment at the developments saying her vision was to empower girls through soccer.

Bulawayo provincial education director Mr Dan Moyo condemned the acts of homosexuality in schools, saying the practice was unacceptable.

He said he was shocked to learn about the news.

"I only read about it in the papers and I was shocked. I do not expect such behaviour. It is unacceptable," said Mr Moyo.

He would not say what his office would do about the issue as he was yet to receive a report from the school’s headmistress.

"We’re not sure if the accusations are true or a result of feuds among the pupils," said Mr Moyo.

Taken from African Activist: Twenty Zimbabwe High School Girls Arrested for "Lesbian Relationships" published 8/4/2010

Tuesday Beat: Jaylene Johnson - Closer To You

My acoustic song of the moment. My fave video of the song is not embeddable so we are going with second best. The link will take you to the Emily and Maya vid of the song.

Sunday musings

Last night I was watching the History International channel [I have crossed over from geek into nerd territory] and they had Banned from the Bible II playing. They were looking at books of scripture that were left out of what was the final draft of the Bible as well as why they were possibly left out. If you have an interest in Christian history it's worth a watch.

I enjoy watching these documentaries because they force me to really think through what it is that I believe in as it relates to God. While it might have been God inspired, the Bible is human edited so I read it with a grain of salt. I was once challenged to read the Bible as I would any other work of fiction. I was to just read through it without trying to interpret it and I must say it fits in rather nicely with the other works of fiction if read that way. You have  the protagonist, God and the villain, Satan and a plot that carries throughout culminating in the "final"  battle in Revelations.

Now before I am stoned and called blasphemous, I do believe in most of the teachings of the Bible. Most because there are things that I flat out disagree with. I like wearing fabric blends [Leviticus 19:19], eating shrimp [Leviticus 11:9-12] and flat out refuse to own another human being [Leviticus 25:44-45]. What I do believe in generally falls into the realm of loving God, loving one another and doing no harm.

Anyway going back to the documentary, they had a segment on what is considered an extension of the teachings of Paul. One of the things Paul is said to have preached extensively on is celibacy, abstinence etc. Made a lot of people mad when he said that men and women should practice celibacy as part of their religious activities in order to prepare for the second coming. The final draft that appeared in the Bible  recommended celibacy but made it a voluntary activity.  I just found it an interesting coincidence given yesterday's post.

Minor edit 8/2

Fulfilling a Dare

Is that August that I see peeking round the the corner? Why I do believe it is. We'll return to our regularly scheduled programming next week since way too much and not enough happened this week.

Courtesy of last week's image, I was strong armed [though it felt more like blackmailed] by R into publicly answering the question "what do I miss the most and least about sex" since I've been celibate for a while [once you get past 6 months you stop counting]. R, karma is a biatch and she will get you back for this.

I miss ... [the safest thing to admit] the fun and free workout. Yes I said workout. If you don't believe its a workout have at it twice a day for the next month and let me know how much your cardio improves... even the slow and sexy lovemaking gets you out of gym time. For those inclined to break out the karma sutra that's a full body workout in case you were wondering.

I do not miss rug burn. I do however miss the comparing of burn marks afterwards. I really should have bought stock in Neosporin considering how much of it I used at one point in time.

Now that I've embarrassed myself beyond measure, have a good weekend folks!

Tuesday Beat: Joe Thomas - Get Crunk Tonight / Table for Two

These are my jams ... we're taking it all the way back to My Name is Joe


Table for Two (umm you might want a pair of headphones for the beginning)

Random Beat: Martin Kember - Driving Myself Insane

Living One's Truth

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: "It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

I have gone back and forth as to whether or not I wanted to make this a public post. I'm making it public, but I've cleaned it up and removed the specific situs that were in the original post.

I would like to live my truth in its entirety but it is something that I know I probably won't. My current truth is more of an amalgamation of my truth, that of the rest of my family and that of the people in my life. There are things that I want for myself that I know will fracture my family if I choose them so I walk a very fine line... and it's not just my sexuality that I am talking about.

There are things that I want to do that I don't know if I ever will because I will lose the support of the people around me. I know because I get to hear them go on about people who have done what I want to do. Sounds stupid for me to be listening to them right? If I had more of a spine I would break off these relationships with folks and go on and do what I want but it is not that easy is it?

I keep telling myself that I can deal with the middle ground that I am on, but if I am honest with myself for a moment I can see that it is taking its toll on me. I am seeing the cracks and something has got to give.
I do own up to my part in creating this situation. Some of the things I should have nipped in the bud when they first came up instead of trying to find a compromise. I knew straight out of the gate that I did not want to do what was recommended but to maintain peace in my life I chose to go along with a variation of the plan. Can you say peace now hell later.

Now don't get me wrong, there are people in my life that I know will have my back come what may. They've been with me during the highs, the lows and the what was I thinking moments. So when I do decide to finally grow a pair, I know that I will not be alone.


Quote was taken from How to Live Your Truth by Amanda Ford

Weekly Rundown

Hello me hearties... pray tell the summer is treating you well.

• I spent 2 glorious weeks playing aunt full time and I must say I am getting better and better with my niece. We bonded and even created our own little games. Leaving her to return to the Chi was hard. 
• There has been some movement on the case of the librarian. I will not say what lest I jinx it. I should be able to give you a detailed rundown on the matter in 2 weeks.
• I am in the middle of a wedding marathon. Could people please ease off the wedding pedal. I now feel obligated to bring a date when I go to dinner with friends.
• Recently, I discovered the joy that is the telenovela, Spanish soaps in case you have never heard the term. The over acting does it for me. I have watched the train wreck that is the Amando - Julia - Mariana storyline on Las Aparicio everyday for the past 4 weeks. Other than the over acting, I figure this is the fastest way to learn spoken Spanish. The fact that the Aparicio sisters are easy on the eyes has nothing to do with it.
• I am an avid reader of several blogs. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that 2 of my fellow bloggers [Foxy and SweetT] are now dating. If you haven't stumbled upon their blogs I must inquire as to what you have been reading.
• Speaking of bloggers a close friend of mine has taken up the blogging mantle. She is a writer so her blog reads a lot better than mine. Swing on by if you find yourself with a moment to spare.
• And finally I would like to wish Sheena a happy relocation. She is moving from Japan to Australia this weekend.

Today's  photo is sponsored by "Extended celibacy is not a good idea."

Tuesday Beat: Heather Headley - In My Mind

Of new under garments and getting laid

Took a trip to spend some QT with the family and on my ride home today I overheard
"I suppose I should go out and get new underwear if I'm going to sleep with him". [2 young ladies were sitting behind me and evidently did not have indoor voices]

Can someone explain this phenomenon to me? Why do people go out and get new under garments before they shag someone new? Is the old stuff out of fashion? I know folks who do this religiously and it has got to add up financially if you date a few folks over the course of the year. Also comes the question of are you buying what you think the other person will like or what you like because they can be 2 completely different things.

The reason that I ask is that I personally do not see the point of getting new under garments if you are planning to shag someone new. I buy new stuff for me.

A question that comes up on occasion when I go shopping with female friends and we make the "quick" stop at Victoria's is if I rock boxers? Simple answer is it depends. My arse's hierarchy for under garments is Jockey, Hanes, FTL. I prefer the ladies line of skivvies from Jockey. They are muy cómodo and my arse has written several testimonials to that effect. Note no secrets from Vickie. My theory is anything is sexy if the person wearing it loves it.

So comment below, tweet back, fb message, whatever you have. I am really curious about the undergarment phenomenon.

Tuesday Beat: Big & Rich - Lost in this moment

Piano & Violin cover of the song. The original song can be found here. This one goes out to my future wife.

Tuesday Beat: Frankie J - Long Drive Home

Weekly Rundown

Long weekend ahead. Hope y'all have a lot of fun activities planned. I have  my niece to look forward to... I get to see her tomorrow and I can't wait.

• Pride last week was a hoot. I volunteered and actually got to walk for part of the route. I had my pride on blast since I am out to the people that need to know. I haven't felt this free in quite a while. <-- Chely Wright before the parade kicked off
• Sadly no librarian edition since I had some studying to do for an exam for a class that I enrolled in to use up some of my spare time.
• The cooking adventures continue. I had hoped to make some pasta today but ended up having to present myself for an interview. I will get a crash course in Thai food and another in Desi cooking later in the month. I am expanding my cooking repertoire and the woman that lands me will be the secondary beneficiary since I cook for myself first and foremost.
• I recently discovered Las Aparicio, a Mexican soap and have had to marathon the episodes. Finding sub'd full episodes was a pain so I am watching the sub'd Julia & Mariana storyline on YT. scootgirl100 is my source in case you are interested in taking a peek at it. Ep23 has a beautiful monologue by Mariana on how hard it is to be gay. If nothing else watch that.
• If you want to earn your brownies points, sing a song in a different language and know it's meaning ... case in point, during pride the Filipino gays & allies pride float was bumping the BEP song Mare. I knew the Tagalog & English words and meanings and the cop who was next to me was duly impressed since people tend to just sing stuff that they don't know the meaning of. He spoke Tagalog. I know a few classical Bollywood songs that have gotten me into the good graces of a Desi lass or two... I do make an effort.

World cup randomness
I can't believe my beloved Brasillians and Ghanaians are out of the tourney. My hope lies in Spain and Argentina. A lot of people's brackets have essentially gone to hell in a hand basket.

Happy 4th of July!

Random Beat: Kirk Franklin - Brighter Day

Just because I'm feeling the holy ghost like that

Tuesday Beat: John Legend - Refuge (When it's cold outside)

Weekly Rundown

• It's Pride Weekend in the Chi! Can't wait to go to the parade tomorrow. I am actually helping out with traffic management this year so I'll be rocking one of those ugly green vests.
• The librarian weekly update. I stopped by as always even though I had no books to pick up. We enjoy travelling so we've been trading places to hit up for a day trip. I've been trying to talk her into trying out the Megabus.
• I got to spend an evening with a friend whom I haven't seen in ages. She came into town with her beloved whom I've been dying to meet.
• The hunt for permanent employment continues. I am now elevating my request to the universe and saying I would like an employment offer that includes an H-1 petition. I keep getting offers that don't. My old request was for offers now we're are getting specific.
• My cooking adventures continue and I made a deep dish personal pan breakfast pizza. Not to toot my own horn but *beep beep*. That was wicked good pizza. I used very little cheese and relied on the creaminess of the eggs & cream. Threw in veggies [pre cooked] & my 2 second sauce. Next Friday I'm thinking of trying out pasta making.
• My niece is now in the land of the Buckeyes and I look forward to seeing them next week.

World Cup Randomness

• WTF happened to Italy and France? I am still in shock that they didn't make it out of the group stage.
• The US got schooled by Ghana and I almost emptied my battery shaking the vuvuzela app. Go Ghana Go!

HAPPY PRIDE!

D'Angelo - Feel Like Makin' Love

Sarah Shahi did this song justice.

And for the NSFW version ... do not say I didn't warn you

Weekly Rundown

• Behold my first official pizza made from scratch ... crust n all. Crappy phone photo I know but you get the gist. I nailed the texture of the crust so for the next one I'll sneak some extra seasoning into it to make it more flavorful. I need to improve the sauce since it's cheeseless. BTW topping was ground beef, spinach and beans with my 2 second sauce.
• No librarian edition this week. I had a RUG [not the floor covering] meeting and couldn't get back to the library on time.
• I toured the Chicago Mercantile Exchange and got to see some floor trading take place. You need to have 20/20 vision to work in that place and know a hell of a lot of hand signals. The guy who took us on the tour gave us a crash course on the hand signals and I was beyond ecstatic when I watched a guy on the floor complete a transaction and figure out about half of what he was signaling. It doesn't take much to make me happy.
• You know it's time to give up the mid twenties spiel when your silver hair starts to bring a friend to the party.
• Random Quote: What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A violin has strings... a fiddle has strangs!
• Evolving has a job straight out of the gate ... go girl go!
• My niece is moving closer to me next week ... yay! I will now have a 5.5 hour drive to go see her.

World cup randomness continues

• Spain got their arses kicked by the Swiss ... unheard of. France's loss to Mexico ... we have officially found the rip in the space time continuum. I've had to throw out 2 of my soccer brackets.
• My beloved Hondurans lost, but Uruguay routed South Africa and made up for it.

Summer's here! Have an enjoyable weekend folks!

The questions people ask

I drafted this post back in January. I read a post by Alix and decided to publish it.

Why o why do people ask the darnedest questions?

I went out with a bunch of folks to celebrate a friend's promotion. We chose to go to a bar since it was after work and no one felt like shelling out a small mint for a proper restaurant downtown. Needless to say after a few pitchers had circulated the conversation down my end of the table turned to women [I was after all sitting with 3 guys - 2 of whom I knew].

Anyway as we are joking around guy#3 pulls the 'I don't mean to to be rude but are you gay?' speech. G1 damn near pulled a cheek muscle trying not to laugh. I say yea and go back to the conversation since we were "philosophizing" on Victoria's Secrets with the other 2 guys.

A while later g3 hits me with 'So do you date guys as well?' which I pretend not to hear. The conversation is flowing and we are having a great time when I hear 'So are you the man in the relationship?'. Evidently I was more sober than I thought because I did not read him the riot act. I said no and pointedly turned from this guy to talk to the other 2 guys. He got the hint and finally shut up.

Why do people feel that they have the right to ask those questions? Or any other questions that pertain to my sexuality for that matter. Having it come up over the course of a conversation is one thing but interjecting the question is just plain rude. I don't go around asking you if you're the top or the bottom in your relationship.

Now this is by no means the first time that the question has been asked of me. Even my sister asked at one point. Yes I have a more masculine presentation but that's just the wrapper people. I cook and bake with the same amount of zeal that I have when I am tinkering with a car or fixing a running toilet. 

For me it's about finding the balance that works for my mate and I. She might want the occasional bug squashed [though I do try to let them live by taking em outside] and I might need someone with more brains than I have to figure out why the toilet is still running. So even though my masculine self tends to precede my feminine self, odds are usually pretty good that the woman I am dating has as much masculine energy but simply chooses to present it with a different wrapper.

image taken from http://khushi.wordpress.com/2008/07/30/baffled/